Foreskin's Lament

A high school English teacher once reprimanded me for my excessive use of irony. I wonder what she would have made of this ...

Ode to my Foreskin

Oh, foreskin, oh

Oh, foreskin

Oh, socially circum –

scribed foreskin

Oh, you’re not there

where

I like to rub

Oh, if I should forget thee

oh, foreskin

let my right hand

lose its cunning

But don’t think it’s cause I’m a prig

I’ll still have

my left left

with which to frig

Oh, foreskin, oh

I am like a polo neck sweater

without a polo

neck, so

merely a sweater

The kind a beatnick would not dare

to wear

Oh, despair!

Oh, foreskin, oh

Though I rub and rub

my poor old nub

remains a stub

Oh, there’s the rub

Oh, there’s the rub

Inglorious Bastet

The Cat Creature (1973)

Watchable made-for-TV movie directed by Curtis Harrington, based on a Robert Bloch script, featuring a Bast-worshipping, ancient Egyptian variant of a vampire who turns into a terrifying embodiment of pure evil—a black housecat.

Why put yourself through this anodyne, predictable exercise in cosy horror? The cast, that’s why. There’s Kent Smith (Oliver Reed in Val Lewton’s chiller, Cat People) as an antiquities appraiser, Keye Luke (Mr Wing from Gremlins) as a cat burglar, Gale Sondegaard as a louche occult store owner, velvet-voiced David Hedison (I could happily listen to him read the telephone directory … for at least ten minutes) as an amorous professor, Peter Lorre Jr as the gurning pawnbroker who gets it in the back, Milton Parsons as the creepy coroner, John Abbot as a know-it-all, and John Carradine as a sleazy hotel clerk sharing screen space with a sauced, sassy, scene-stealing (sadly uncredited) dwarf prostitute named Mabel. Oh, and Meredith Baxter from Family Ties is in it, too.   

The Ice Have It

Ice cubes already glow when I drink too much. Absinthe, that is.

 

Glowing Ice Cubes Warn You When You Drink Too Much